There’s a trending story on the internet. You may or may not have heard about it but it concerns a married couple who have issues because the husband discovered his wife earns more money and owns properties without his knowledge. The result of this situation is a sad story. Trust has been broken and there’s little or no communication in the home. Who knows how it’ll end?
There are a number of topics that should constitute a conversation for intending couples because marriage isn’t a walk in the park. Failure to discuss these lead to grave circumstances later in the marriage. Your courtship shouldn’t be filled with questions like, ‘ have you eaten?’, ‘what are you up to?’, or normal everyday questions. You have to be sure that you both have the same values. Understand each other’s life goals. Have arguments and settle, meet both parents and know the kind of family you’re getting yourself into, get to know each other’s friends, experience financial stress as a team, show your bad habits and discuss them, apologise and mean it.
To make your marriage work, below are important topics you need to discuss as a couple before you jump the broom:
According to Mrin Agarwal, Founder & Director of Finsafe , “To sustain a relationship, it is important for a couple to be on the same page when it comes to financial values”. In this huge topic is enshrined saving, spending, investing risks, loans, and approach to goals, among other things. You shouldn’t leave your partner out of the loop no matter what.. You shouldn’t hide your financial status and let your partner bear the brunt of every responsibility in your home. You become one after you say, “I do”.
I’ve heard of couples who have issues only 3 months after the wedding because one of them do not want children yet. While some others separate because a partner wants more children than the other. The importance of discussing this before the wedding cannot be overemphasized. You want to have fun with your husband or wife during the first one or two years before the children come? Discuss it! You want to focus on your career first? Discuss it! What are your expectations of staying home with the children? You want 6 children? Your husband or wife should have a say too. Because you’re in it together.
What would you do if you can’t have kids for the first few years? What are the potential ways it could affect your family? What solutions should you look at? No one prays for bad things to happen, but what would you do when they occur? You have to try as much as possible to lessen the tension that would come during the marriage because they will definitely come. It may not be the issue of fertility, it could be another. Can you do artificial insemination? Are you ready to adopt kids?
- Dirty laundry
By this, I mean secrets that each of you may have. Air your dirty laundry to each other. Transparency is very key in a healthy relationship cum marriage
You need to ask each other this question…do you believe in divorce? How willing are you going to try to make it work when I wrong you? Or will you scream, “I want a divorce” in my face at my first offence? What realistic thing would cause you to leave the marriage?
- Third party in the marriage
What would happen when you have disagreements? Are you going to run and hide under mommy’s wrapper? Or you’ll invite our kinsmen who will ask me to buy a goat for raising my voice at you? What about your friends? Are we going to be a subject for discussion during your salon appointments? You have to discuss each other’s values concerning settling disputes. Don’t leave any stone unturned.
- Religion/Christian denomination
What if your partner is a Buddhist or a Muslim? You didn’t think it was necessary? Nowadays, there are atheists who don’t talk about their beliefs, what if he/she is one of them? Which Christian denomination are you going to raise your family in? What doctrines do you believe in? If you don’t want your family to be divided, you have to talk about this.
What happens when your partner gets a dream job somewhere far? How is it going to affect the children especially when it’s the wife who gets the job? Sometimes money in the family is pivotal in making decisions such as this. So you have to discuss how you’ll manage the long distance. How you’d keep communications alive even in separate places in important.
- Values and outlook in life
Have you asked about his/her perception about life? What does he/she want out of life?
Disagreements will come, no doubt. But how would you handle it as a couple? There will be raised voices, sarcasms, little breaks, nagging, pressure, etc. But how would you discuss peace? When should you talk about the ‘little’ quarrel? Are you an advocate of ‘don’t go to bed angry with each other?’ Why don’t you ask?
discussions are essential. Planning is essential. But so is knowing the fact that circumstances can change, and so you’ll have to re-plan accordingly. As such, I think it’s important to be vocal about all of these decisions even after marriage.”
There are so many important things you should talk about with your partner, these are just highlights. Will you not rather look forward to a home you can happily live in oneness? Work with your significant other to make this happen.
What other topic do you know? Share with us in the comments section.