Few days ago, I came across a post which was about a man who had issues with his legs. He refused the help of a good Samaritan who wanted to help treat the legs. Guess what? He wanted monetary assistance instead. He literally told them to convert it to cash. You can imagine the disbelief on the faces of his would be helpers.
There are certain individuals out there who prefer to live with their pain, hurt, injury, deformity, etc, just so that people they come in contact with would pity them and render help to them. Some persons just don’t want to be healed permanently because this gives them an avenue to always receive help. I call this the ‘poor me’ syndrome.
The victim or poor me syndrome is a mentality people have that makes them feel sorry for themselves. Their outlook in life is often hinged on how bad things are going with them. Sometimes, they don’t even know that this is happening. That is why you must filter your thoughts; they eventually become words. The more this happens, you become a pessimist in no time. When self pity becomes a habit, you will hardly make progress. You’re actually on a time bomb to self destruct unless you do something about it NOW!
How do you know you’re not in this category? Below are signs you can use to know if you are or not…
Signs that you have the victim syndrome
- You always crave for sympathy
Sympathy gives you a momentary feeling of being pampered or cared for. Sometimes, you feel like people don’t care for you enough so you always crave to be sympathised with. You’ll also likely find yourself complaining about the unfairness of your circumstances in an effort to get other people to feel sorry for you. Your complaints may help you gain some temporary sympathy, but your efforts will eventually wreak havoc on your social life.
- Mostly lonely?
You want to be alone and you don’t fail to let people see it and constantly berate you to come out of your shell. You refuse help to permanently deal with the situation or somehow discourage the person from helping you.
- Having low self esteem
One of your unintentional life goals is for people to like you or be impressed with you. It’s this feeling of entitlement that makes you feel not good enough when attention is not paid to you.
- Brooding and deep thinking
This trait is typical of someone with a melancholic temperament. Constant introspection lures you into unnecessary thoughts
- Always defensive
Whenever you’re being addressed, you feel like you’re attacked; you feel like the world is against you and as such, your attitude, reactions tend to be defensive.
- The past still affects you
You have a way of continually bringing your past to the present using it as an excuse for your actions whenever you’ve done something wrong.
More people would learn from their mistakes if they weren’t so busy denying them.Ray Quotes
- Incessant concerns about yourself only
Most of the times when an incident occurs, your concern is how you’re affected. Every thing is me, me mentality.
- Constant feelings of guilt
Well it’s very easy to feel sorry for yourself at every given opportunity. You find it hard to accept a wrong doing. So you hide from it and make yourself the victim.
- You often make assumptions
In this case, you believe that something is true based on what you think is true – without proof. Assumptions can be about you or others. For instance, “My in-laws are against me because…”. Sometimes, these assumptions aren’t even true.
This is wrong because it creates unnecessary heartaches and overthinking, especially if you always assume the worst. This can also lead you to make false judgments about others and even destroy the relationship you have with your friends and relatives.
You can see that the outcomes of the pity mindset doesn’t only affect you but people around you. So there is only one way out…can you guess?
How to stop sabotaging yourself with self pity
- Talk to someone you can trust
You must know that it’s not everyone you can share such deep thoughts with. Sharing with the wrong person might make you withdraw more into your shell. Learn not to bottle up suspicious emotions.
- Stop dwelling on problems
It is so often easier to stay in that place thinking only of how bad things are with you. You need to stand up! Focus on positives and what you can do to find solutions to the problems.
- Learn to forgive yourself
Instead of blaming yourself for every wrong done, you should learn to forgive yourself and let go
- Be grateful
There’s so much to be grateful for, you can list a number of things in your life you’re grateful for. It helps to take stock of how you’ve progressed.
- Help someone
There’s a wonderful feeling you get from lending a helping hand. Go on… ask yourself, “how can I give someone value right now?”
Finally, give yourself a break dear. Learn to cut yourself some slack. You’re working on getting out of the victim mentality and it’s difficult. Some days you will feel like you’re back to square one. That’s OKAY.
Be nice to yourself. You are not perfect. One little slip shouldn’t be a problem. You’ll be just fine.